The guidelines are obvious.

I keep stumbling upon articles like 'what do we search in a man/woman?' Or 'the wrong things that your husband does' or 'the things that wives don't tell their husbands' or 'how to have a happy marriage' or anything of that sort. Well, you get what I mean. 

So usually the articles will write on everything that everyone wants to hear. They make readers believe that everything they do is right and the partner is the one who should change or keep giving. And they keep writing the S.A.M.E thing over and over again. Yawn..

The thing is, how ignorant can anyone be? How to be a good husband? How to be a good wife? Who are you kidding? How hard can that be? Do we need an article to tell us something that we already know? Just be sweet, be romantic, be tolerant, be loving, be loyal and be kind. And that is pretty much the ingredient to a blissful, long lasting marriage. 

But is that really what happens between husbands and wives?

If a wife says that her marriage is boring, is the husband at fault? Should he have surprised her with her favourite box of chocolates every now and then? Or should she get herself a hobby to keep life interesting? Or should she tell her husband instead? That she is bored to tears and expects a surprise vacation when she least expects it? Coz then at least he can't say that she has never asked for it.

But then again, where is the romantic gesture when one has to tell to get something everytime? 

And are men really that hopeless in thinking what makes their women happy? 

The guidelines are obvious. It is up to us to make something happen.

starving vs balanced diet

Doctors advice patients based on evidence and years of studies and research. If some chose to go against it, then they should be ready to face the consequences. Coz what comes from our mouth, does not come from thin air. 

When doctors advise healthy diet in the process of weight reduction, there are strong reasons for it. When doctors advise against traditional supplement, there are solid reasons behind it. Most of the traditional medicine and herbs available over the counter are not researched properly. Some are fabricated. Some contain poisonous chemicals. A lot contain steroids. Yes they might give short term relief, but give it another couple of years, you will end up in the dialysis centre. Worse, in the morgue.

I had a pregnant patient who was told the worst news a mother could hear. Her baby she was carrying had a condition called anancephaly. It basically means 'without a brain'. So after counselling she decided for termination of pregnancy as the baby was not going to survive anyway. Unfortunately the process was complicated with severe bleeding and she lost about 3 pints of blood. In return, she had to be transfused. Worst, she ended having a Caesarean Section after all that. 

On further history, I have found out that she was taking some traditional diet pills for a year till the first few weeks of her pregnancy. She lost 20 kilos, and literally starved herself from carbs (mainly rice and bread) and other important nutrients. When she knew that she was pregnant, it was already too late to start eating healthy again. The baby had already gone through the first vital formation weeks without enough nutrients and vitamins to develop its brain perfectly.  As a result, the baby had none. 

It was devastating for the mother as it was for us to inform of the depressing news. It is a well known fact that folic acid during the first few weeks of pregnancy is of utmost importance for the formation of the brain and spinal cord. Some people choose to ignore that fact and refuse to take it when they are pregnant. The result is always heart breaking. But people still choose not to listen. When it happens, it is already too late to be regretful.

In this country, our rice and bread and a lot of other food are fortified with folate. So by right, there should be no cases of anancephaly or anything that is related to deficiency in folate. We expect the people of this country are well fed and famine is unheard of. But cases like this still happen. Why? Thanks to the unsafe usage of traditional supplements and poor diet that pretty much deplete the vitamins in the body by a process similar to starvation. 

Kicking a spirit vs a normal trip and fall

Malays are superstitious. Unless they truly believe in God Almighty, they are not too bad. Unfortunately the latter consists of the minority..

Sometimes it annoys me to see how much they believe in things that are not even real. They believe in some tradition because their parents do. They fear for something just because others are too. But when we ask why, they can never think of an answer. They will just say, 'be careful with what you say because you need to be careful'. They do not know why.

This is actually an insult to the brain that is God's gift to every human being that is fortunate enough to loan it from Him. The brain believes what we choose to believe. And it rusts away if we choose not to use it.

Yesterday there was a mother who brought her daughter to us for not being able to walk after a fall. She fell the day before and she suffered in pain the whole night and day just because her mother refused to believe that there was something medically wrong with her. Instead, she brought her daughter to see a traditional healer for 'spiritual' x ray. This guy then placed his hand on her leg and 'worked up' his x-ray vision. After a few seconds, he proudly said that there was nothing wrong with the child.

Feeling unsatisfied, she came to us for second oppinion. Her leg xray noted a fractured bone in her leg.

I couldn't be any angrier. A mother's ignorance in believing that her child could have accidentally kicked a 'jinn' caused her daughter insufferable pain. And I am sure that incident still did not change her mindset.

Malays and khurafat. Inseparable. No wonder malays are still left behind.

What makes my day

I come home from work and I feel tired. Extremely knackered at times. All I ever wanted to do is rest. Lie down on the couch and watch the idiot box. After a long, tiring and sometimes disappointing day at work, I always believe that I deserve some rest. But somehow, sadly, watching the tele does not make me any happier. Lying down on the couch does not make me any calmer. Resting and staring into thin air do not help either.

But unexpectedly seeing my 2 year-old son come and bring me a bottle of vitagen from the fridge, totally makes my day. He might do it as part of his developmental progression. But I look at it as him showing that he cares.

Children act so innocently loving sometimes. Their progress surprises me every time.  Seeing my son grow into a fine young boy lifts my misery. All the time.

Tell me, but how can I not be a proud mummy..

I love you my son. May you grow up into a fine young man..

Human nature to make mistakes

I am the boss at my workplace. Whenever any of my staff does anything wrong, I will call her up to my room for explanation. I will listen to what she has to say and then give a piece of my mind. I rarely scold them. I never raise my voice. But I could be annoyingly strict at times. I do not tolerate trivial mistakes at work. When mistakes are made, I look at them as irresponsible or not using their brains. I demand an explanation every time someone makes a mistake. They tremble just to find the right words to justify their actions. Once they are done, it usually ends up with me correcting them and telling them not to repeat their mistakes. Ever again.

The good side of things (I think) is that I do not belittle them. But I expect them to do their work perfectly. Anything short of perfection is considered as terrible. I expect a lot from them. Maybe too much. Coz once they make a mistake, they put people's lives at stake. But I forgot that they are all humans. And humans make mistakes.

Till I made a mistake today that could possibly jeapordise my career. Kill me as well if I was unlucky. I hurt a person as a result of the mistake that I sincerely erred without the intention to cause harm. I finally did what everyone else does. Being human. 

Guess making mistakes once in a while brings us back down to earth. They make me realise that I am human after all. A tough fact to embrace. But yes, I am just human. So are my staff.

Believing what is real

The world is an open platform. People are easily influenced. There is no barrier between what goes around and what is perceived by the brain and eventually believed by a person. Anyone is freely exposed to lies, slander and propaganda. Unless truth be told, no one will actually know what happens behind closed doors. Even when the truth comes out, no one will ever find out if it is really true or not.

We live in a world of hypocrisy. People create stories to look good. People lie to bring others down. People fabricate to earn more money. People put others down to bring themselves up.

The world is never fair. Our knowledge is too little to compare of what other knowledge there is in this universe. We do not even know how birds fly, let alone what happens behind our eyes.

But when we believe, a lie becomes the truth. The truth becomes a lie. We become mainstreamed. Who has the loudest voice, wins. Who doesn't, will be perceived as liars. Those who keep quiet, are deemed weak. Faith is so strong that it can never shake unless we believe that it is wrong. Whatever our belief is, we should have faith only for The One that remains true. Faith in God is the most powerful of all. Believe in Him as nothing is what it seems in this world. But He is. Always is.

To love or not to love

Today a one and a half year old girl touched my heart. Her innocence and desperation for attention were so apparent that my heart ached so hard I just wanted to cry. But no, I couldn't just cry. She was not my daughter. She was not even my niece. Neither was she my relative.

She was a daughter of a mother who was not even bothered to make her feel loved. Or appreciated. To the extent that she had to come to me, a total stranger, to get a feeling of security and maybe a cuddle.

I looked at her and all I felt was sympathy. I felt for her so bad that I wished she was mine. I wished that she could have a better life. I wished that she could choose who her mother was. I wished that she would not end up just like her mother.

Her mother was under my surveillance. I had to make sure that she was fit to be a mother. More importantly, she wanted to try. She failed me not twice but many times. She was always out with friends going here and there, leaving her three innocent kids with her sick mother in a small and smelly flat. She was the epitome of irresponsibility. She was what no mother should be.

Oh I feel so bad for her neglected children... Beyond words..

Men of yesteryears vs today

Men are always deemed as the simpler species. They are straightforward and more focus. In other words, they do not multitask (No offense!). Not to say that it is a bad trait, but it is something that they are born with. Give them a task to iron the clothes and cook at the same time, wait and see what will happen.

Anyway, certain things have changed. Men are way more domesticated nowadays. They learn to do things that were not expected of them many years ago. In other words, they have learned to multitask. Not only can they drill holes, but now, they can change nappies, cook for the children, and clean the toilets. They make women's lives much easier. And happier.

Although not many men adopt this lifestyle and extremely helpful behaviour, I know one thing for sure that my lovely husband does. He does it not because it is expected of him, but because he is the most loving, caring and responsible husband I could ever wish for. He is the father of our child and for all the great things that he has done for our lovely son and I, I wish him 'happy father's day'..

We love you till death do us part.

To my loving father who I will never stop looking up to, you are the reason why I could love this much. You will always be the greatest father to me. Happy father's day to you.

hold and let go

the joy of holding strong...

and letting go..

Behind a woman, there is everyone else..

More than five years ago I lived with the principle of 'never to depend on others'. I never allowed myself to be emotionally attached to anyone that could leave my heart broken to pieces once it was smashed to the ground, neither would I let people decide my future by controlling my way of thinking.

I was so independent. So strong. So lonely.

Now, every move I make is risk calculated. Everything that I do is not for nothing. Every decision I make involves everyone that matters to me. My future is being shaped by the people around me. By those that I now live for, every single day. By those that I love with all my heart and soul, by those whom I would die for.

This, is how it is going to be from now on.

So dependent. So much stronger. So much loved.

The Danger of internet

Nowadays internet plays a major part in people's lives. With just a click, information is within grasp. Is it a good thing or is it not?

One thing for sure, self diagnosis by would be patients is a big no-no.

This has become an issue in the medical world when patients come to see doctors to argue with them that they know better; after reading an article from some website on google. Interestingly, they would argue with great conviction that their piece of information is better than the doctor's who has studied it for years.

Because of internet, people become experts on homebirths without any trained personnel attending. The result is, preventable deaths amongst mothers and babies increase. Because of internet, people refuse immunisation. The result is, polio is back. Measles is back. More cases are detected and more deaths are noted. Because of internet, people jeapordise their lives by trying traditional or homemade remedies that could prove to be poisonous. And because of internet, patients become 'experts' on their diseases and refuse for treatment from doctors whom they deem do not know much.

It is all because of internet that society is learning wrong things from the wrong people.

planes and flying and storm

I used to love to fly. I used to love turbulence. When there was any, I would mischievously but stupidly take my seat belt off to enjoy the bumpy ride (lucky to still be alive!).

Yes, i love roller coasters and anything that tests my fear factor. I would bungee jump everyday if they had that behind my house. I would go on a speed boat during a stormy night. I would do all that to feel the adrenaline running through my veins.

Not anymore.

Having a son of my own changes everything. Having my own small unit makes me want to stay alive to keep those I love happy and safe. I fear death in a way that only God understands.

Now, i cringe at turbulences. My stomach rumbles when the plane gets into air pockets. My heart stops when it rains while I am on a ferry. I fear for the worst. I am no longer the 15 year old girl who fears nothing. I had experienced an unforgettable incident in the plane that I really thought that I would die. It was so real that my future disappeared before me for once.

Guess age matures me somehow. Or does it?

day in day out

day in day out
i see sick people
i see scared faces
i see anxious patients that fear for the unknown news
i see hope on the positive hearts
i hear disappointment on those who fail repeatedly
i hear resentment in the voices of those who hate

day in day out
i see life
i see death
i see persistence
i see resilience
i see one door shuts, and another opens

day in day out
i hear laughter
i hear cries
i see tears
in their tired eyes

i feel their heartaches
i feel their dejection
my heart breaks to see life slips
from those who pray it never did

this goes to my patients who have lost the ones they love dearly and wish could have travelled the world with..

my pride

armaan lutfi. i love you.