Happy

I was having a nice conversation with my old man this morning and we came to a conclusion as to why we are happy and will always remain happy. Despite not having millions of dollars in the bank, or a huge mansion with an olympic size swimming pool at our backyard, or flashy cars in our porch, God willing, we will still be happy. Why?

We are always grateful of whatever we have, no matter how little we have or how difficult the situation that we are in. We always believe that whatever we get no matter how much we might not want it, it is the best for us. There is no need to fish for dirty money coz that never lasts. And that breeds greed with feelings of unhappiness.

And that is why we are always happy.

Pray for Gaza

When you have your house shelled by missile for breakfast, you mother killed at lunch time and yourself stuck under the rubbles for dinner, all you could think of is gaining more strength to face whatever comes in your way. You stop crying. You stop grieving. You stop sighing. You become stronger each day. Never lose hope. Keep fighting till your last breath.

My heart breaks a million times seeing children of gaza being subjected to aggression, missiles, and this unjustified war. My tears go for you mothers who lose your beautiful children to such monstrosity. No parent should see their children die before them. No child should be left parentless just because there are no means to bring them out of the hospital. My heart goes to you and i pray that Allah will destroy your heartless enemies (those who attack and support the attack) as He has promised. May you stay strong and patient as those who are patient are winners. We are all standing by you no matter where we are.

Cerita aku (5)

Tiada buku peraturan atau 'code of conduct' yang diberikan kepada ibu atau bapa sebelum menyiapkan diri menyambut kelahiran anak mereka. Bagi aku, setiap hari membesarkan Armaan adalah pengajaran buat ku. Hari ini aku silap, esok akan ku perbaiki apa sahaja yang serba tidak kena,. Malangnya, setiap hari berbeza telatahnya. Tiada hari yang sama. Segala perbuatanku tidak semestinya diterima cara yang sama. Lawak semalam, mungkin sudah basi hari ini. Makanan kegemaran semalam, mungkin menjelekkan pada hari esok.

Babies are fussy. 

Haih. Sabar sahaja dengan karenah baby Armaan. Comel. Tapi menyedut tenaga ku dari dalam. Waktu tidurku makin pendek, tapi belum sempat pukul 9 malam, aku sudah nyenyak tidur dahulu. Most of the time, Lutfi yang menggantiku melayan karenah Armaan di waktu malam. Thanks hubby...but i need my beauty sleep. :) 

Tiada amaran pernah diberikan sebelum menjadi ibu yang betapa cepatnya setiap hari akan berlalu. Betapa pendeknya masa melihat anakku ini membesar. Betapa geramnya hati tatkala melihat Armaan memunggah mainannya acapkali. Betapa sakitnya pinggang mengangkat bayi yang makin berat setiap hari. Betapa penatnya memungut serpihan biskut dan nasi di atas lantai. Betapa indahnya melihat semua kesakitan hilang tatkala Armaan mengucup pipiku. 

Sungguh bermakna. Sungguh indah. Sungguh memuaskan hati menjadi ibu pada Armaan. I love you my son. It doesn' matter now that you did not come with a set of guidelines..

Bersambung.....

What we want vs what we get

When we want something to happen, something else happens. When we need it to happen, it doesn't happen. When we least expect it, it happens.

I am a strong believer of the words of the Holy Koran. "Not everything that we love is good for us, and not everything we hate is bad for us". There is always a good reason behind everything. Keep believing.

Doctors and arrogance

Doctors/physicians are egoistic buggers. They always think that they are better than other doctors. Stronger. Smarter. More thorough. More attention to details. Busier. More loved. More humble. And the list goes on and on.

Surgeons are worse. Some have Demi-God like attitude. Repulsive. But somehow annoyingly enough it makes them better. But still, humility makes a surgeon the best.

Life is a cycle.

Standing up for my rights doesn't work all the time. So I try to improvise. I drop hints instead. But then people misconstrue them as 'not urgent' or 'not that important'. So I get dismissed. Then I Try to sound demanding, but up to a certain point. I get tired too, you see. By being uptight and bossy.. So I loosen up. But again, people shoot me down. And then I get angry. And I become strict again. And the cycle goes on and on..

Beautiful things in life

Seeing my son grow is simply beautiful.
Seeing him outwit me is priceless.
Hearing him say 'i love you' back without understanding it is amazing.
Seeing him run towards me in excitement means the world to me.
Listening to him cry when he is ill is heartbreaking.
Knowing that he is in pain kills me.
Noticing that he has learned something new everyday is always surprising.
Waking up to see him smiling at me is bliss.
Looking at him sleep brings me peace..

Attack. On. Humanity. Should. Stop.

 The best time to attack is when one is at its most vulnerable moment. The best time to attack is when one is asleep at night. The best time to attack is knowing that one has no means or energy to fight back. The best time to attack is when one is more concerned with defending. The best time to attack for the Zionist regime is when the Palestinians are sleeping, resting, praying, fasting and surrounded by families. And the best places to attack by them are hospitals, schools and mosques where there are children, women, elderly and people who sacrifice their time to treat the consequences of brutal, unfair, cruel, inhumane, abominable attack with no means to fight back. 

The best time of attack does not justify the innocent lives that are taken away.

May they await their loved ones at Jannah. 

Cerita aku (4)

Sambungan ...


Tubuh kecil di pangkuan aku tenung sedalam yang boleh. Setiap hembusan nafas ku perhati sahaja. Indah sekali pandangan ku ini. Sungguh kecil insan ini. Tapi besar sekali impak yang aku terima hanya dengan memandang. Terasa seolah-olah aku tidak perlu apa-apa lagi dalam dunia ini. Kehadiran Armaan cukup melengkapkan segala kekurangan duniawi. I am complete.

Memang indah sekali ketika bayi comel ini sedang nyenyak tidur. Lenyap seketika kesusahan dan masalah dunia. Tetapi sekali kelaparan, terus dia menjerit menangis meminta diberikan susu. Haru-biru aku dibuatnya. Kadang-kadang, aku turut menangis sama. Stress juga dibuatnya. Tidurku memang tidak pernah lena. Tangan sudah cramp kerana acapkali tertido dengan Armaan di atas lenganku. Walau penatku hanya Tuhan sahaja yang tahu, aku enggan membiarkan dia jauh dariku lebih dari 10 minit. Aku nekad memberinya susu badanku selama aku mampu menyusukannya.

Sleep deprivation mula memberi kesan yang agak mengganggu emosi ku. Aku terasa seperti mayat bernyawa. Perasaan cepat marah mula menunjukkan belang. Apabila dia menangis, aku seperti hilang kawalan. Kemurungan seolah-olah menunggu untuk menerpa. Setiap hari aku berharap Armaan akan lena lebih lama agar aku juga dapat melelapkan mata yang sudah macam panda bear ini, tetapi apakan daya, babies will always be babies.

Semua ahli keluarga berkeras ingin membantu. Mula-mula, aku terasa seperti tidak mahukan bantuan. I am strong and I can do everything myself. Wow, sombongnya. Tapi aku semakin hilang pertimbangan kerana badanku semakin penat. Aku mengalah juga akhirnya. Aku perlu tidur sehingga batteriku dicaj sepenuhnya. Susu kuperah sebanyak yang boleh dan ku simpan di dalam peti sejuk. Armaan ku serahkan pada ibuku.


Mungkin itu adalah tidur yang paling nyenyak sepanjang hidupku..



Bersambung.....

Sometimes..

Life is a wheel. One time we are at the top, the next we are deep down below. One time we are elated, the next we are horribly depressed.

Sometimes i sleep so much that i refuse to wake up. Not because that i am terribly lethargic that i need to re-energise, but being in a dream feels so much safer. Better.

When i wake up, sometimes i dread leaving the house. Not because that i am a lazy bump, but it feels nicer to be home. The outside world looks foggy at times.

Sometimes when in the car, i would stay in it for hours. Listening to the radio. Listening to songs that i was not even familiar with. But it definitely felt better than going into the house.

Well, at times, it feels like this.

At times i feel like doing everything myself. Other times, i need company.

Preventable death

Fathers are being prosecuted for abusing their children. Mothers are being prosecuted for neglecting their children. Teens are being caught and jailed for dumping their newborns in the drains or dumpsters. But never have we heard children are being prosecuted for abandoning their old, sick parents and leaving them on the street to beg.

It is expected upon us to look after our families and make sure that they live as long as they could. If one falls ill, treatment should be sought. Unless they are terminally ill, then maybe we could help them to go as painlessly as possible by giving them adequate analgesia (painkillers) during the last moments of their lives.

Sometimes when we fall sick or we have injured any part of our body, a simple visit to the clinic/hospital might help. And most of the time, a simple week-course of antibiotics or medicine or nebulised gas helps to make us feel better. For all we know, it helps to keep us live longer. Coz even a simple untreated infection could cause further damage if not eradicated. People die everyday for delayed treatment. But people never learn.

When husbands decide to go against all odds and put their wives or newborns at risk by delivering at home with no skilled attendant present and no appropriate monitoring available if anything goes haywire, I strongly feel that they should be punished for 'intentionally causing harm' if anyone dies. Coz sometimes, a rapidly breathing newborn needs a simple help of oxygen after birth. Or a mother in labour who is bleeding due to a retained placenta needs it manually removed by a skilled and medically trained personnel to stop her bleeding to death. Or a mother in labour for hours with no sign of delivering the baby might need some assistance using a pair of forceps or vacuum that is only available in the hospital to prevent the baby from asphyxia or distress. Coz if no treatment is sought, a simple preventable death ensues. And it is heartbreaking to hear these sane adults saying something like 'when it is meant to be, it is meant to be' when someone dies at home after delaying and refusing a simple treatment that is life-saving.

To me, this is negligence of the highest degree. And they should be prosecuted just like a mother who lives her child in the dumpster to die. They are no different to each other.

Going against advice vs taking risks

In my religion, it is expected upon us to ask for experts' opinion relating to matters that we are not sure about. For example, if we have a disease, we should ask advice from a certified doctor who knows about the disease. It will be harmful to us if we decide to follow the advice of someone who does not know much about the disease and cause further deterioration to our condition. Another example, when we are in doubt about a religious matter, we ask those who study the matter in and out. It will be utterly ignorant to follow a half-baked advice. If my car broke down, I would get a mechanic to have a look at it and not try to repair it myself. Coz that just screams complete stupidity.

This no brainer concept should apply to everyone. Unfortunately, a lot of people are claiming to be smarter everyday from googling, or internet surfing. They get an information from a website, and then call themselves as those who know. And then they go on to influence others to believe them.

One heartbreaking example I hear every time is home birth or natural birth with no medically trained staff attending a delivery. Yes, birth is a natural process and everyone should have the rights to decide to experience it as naturally as possible. But it should not be at the expense of someone's life.No mother experiences the same thing. No one has the same luck everytime.

All mothers should know that the risk of bleeding to death and other life-threatening conditions can result from trying a vaginal birth after a previous C-Section, let alone more than 1 operation. From years of research and evidence-based studies by obstetrics specialists all around the world, they have come to a unanimous decision to strongly advise against trial of vaginal birth after a history of 2 previous C-sections.

They speak from years of experience. They see so many deaths and morbidity before their eyes from complications that arise due to wrong decisions made by them and by patients. So they learned. Unfortunately, some people refuse to listen and learn from these mistakes. They fight to go against medical advice when all evidence show that they should not. They continue to fight because they think that they are right and they should be allowed to fight for something they believe in just because they want to. When nothing bad happens from their dangerous practice, they say that all these doctors are wrong and trying hard to medicalise every single thing. But when something goes wrong, they would just say that it is fated that way and to die is natural.